You're completely useless in the revolution.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
