New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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