Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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