Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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