My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
