Small penises have feelings too.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
