FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
