Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
