Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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