so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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