who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
