I wish they made helmets for livers.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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