So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
