I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
