And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I would fuck him just for his dog
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
