it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
