I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
