You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
