youre lurking in front of me
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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