please come you make the beer taste better
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize