Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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