Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
