It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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