she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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