You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
