I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
