I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
