if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
it's great music for shaving your balls
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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