I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
