I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
