Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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