I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
