I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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