I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
