Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
