Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
