she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
sex in a hospital.. check
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
