Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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