I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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