My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
