I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
