I wish you could order shots online.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
