he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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