we have pet lesbian snakes
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
