This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
