I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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