so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
whose ass print is on the piano?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
