i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
