Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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