How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize