Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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