he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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