watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
