Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
