You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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