the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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