I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
