Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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