Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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