he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
