my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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