3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i think i have two assholes
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
